The Thanksgiving Gift

When everyone tells you it's wrong

Photo by Eva Bronzini

The word Thanksgiving is a one constructed of two of the most beautiful words in the English language: thanks and giving. I think of that this holiday because when we say “Thanksgiving” most of us think first of turkey, football, Aunt Margaret’s walnut and raisin stuffing that no one likes. But we all know it’s more than that. Yes, we give thanks. We should for even the smallest of things. I try to every year. But the second part of the word—the giving part is many times forgotten.

A fellow Susbtack writer, Jen Knox recently wrote about the act of giving. And she reminded me that giving should not be about the outcome or the final calculation of some emotional equation. Giving is an act. A verb. It’s the giver’s choice. And the act is at its best when we simply do it. Give. That is the beautify of it. It’s a choice of charity. Not in the sense of need, but in the pure act of caring. Caring. That’s what matters.

When my younger son was in middle school years ago on a field trip bus to Chicago's Field Museum, he had five dollars for lunch money. On the way through the city’s West Side, he saw a man in a wheelchair—disheveled, haggard. He may have held a cup for change. Out the window of the bus, my son handed his money to the man. He was reprimanded by the teachers, several of them. "Don't do that! He'll just use it for drugs." I'm certain there was a safety concern there, a boy with his arm outside the bus. And that's understood. My son was under their care. But that evening when he recalled the story, I told my son that what the man does with his gift is only speculative. And giving should not be based on speculation. Yes, it may have been true what the teachers had said, but wouldn't it be wonderful to have hope that maybe they were wrong? Maybe you're giving this man the opportunity to make his own decision, the chance to do the right thing. One can call it naive, but it also may be right. And maybe this man had no intentions of using that $5 for drugs or drink. Isn't it a nicer world when we believe that this might be true?

I relay this story not to praise my son. Although I was impressed with what he did. It’s instead a way to shine a light on what giving, at its core, should be. And when we sit around the Thanksgiving table at our home, our grandmother’s, our son’s, or daughter’s, at a homeless shelter, a shelter for migrants, a hospital, or an assisted-living center, offering all the thanks for what you have, think hard about the giving part. Find the pure meaning of what it means to give to someone else in the world. Give your time, your smile, your heart.