Where Do You Find Joy?

An elusive, mysterious, spiritual, mesmerizing question

Photo by Christian Diokno

Been thinking a lot about joy today. Its beauty and elusive nature. Its fleeting existence. And why it, like a butterfly, it is often times so hard to catch.

I subscribe to musician Nick Cave’s “The Red Hand Files”—a semi-regular newsletter in which he responds to questions from his fans. Cave writes that at first it was a simple idea—to connect with those who follow his music. But since 2018 it’s become something bigger. “‘The Red Hand Files’ has burst the boundaries of its original concept to become a strange exercise in communal vulnerability and transparency,” Cave writes.

Recently, a fan asked Cave what appeared to be on the surface a simple question: Where or how do you find joy?

Simple question, yes. But a much harder one to answer.

What is joy? Where does one find it? Do I have joy in me, all around me, or am I confusing it with happiness? How do we as individuals define joy? How do we as a culture define it? Is it real? Is it an illusion? Is joy only a concept?

Consider Beethoven’s magnificent Ninth Symphony. Even if you don’t know his full score, you certainly know its finale: “Ode to Joy.” Most of us know it well enough to hum it.

Written 200 years ago, the “Ode” is crafted like a modern day pop song. But there is something transcendent about it. Based in part by a poem by Friedrich Schiller, the “Ode” is a welcoming artistic wonder that has been employed by many different causes and movements both political and cultural. No matter how it has been used, from the beginning it was music that symbolized hope and unity.

Is that what joy is—hope? And does joy simply stem from happiness? Is it, in essence, the father (joy) to the son (happiness)?

It seems to me that happiness is grounded in circumstance—a specific moment or time and space. Joy, on the other hand is a state of mind, a way of looking at the world. Happiness may depend on external factors. Joy is internal. Happiness happens to us. Joy is purposeful. In American culture, we are obsessed with happiness when it is really joy we should be embracing. Happiness is fleeting. Joy is a state-of-being.

Still, the question remains: How does one find joy? And is joy’s true nature even findable?

Returning to Nick Cave’s “The Red Hand Files.”

“Joy is not always a feeling that is freely bestowed upon us, often it is something we must actively seek. In a way, joy is a decision, an action, even a practised method of being,” Cave writes.

Makes all the sense in the world. But, arguably, not easy to accomplish.

It seems that finding the definition, the realization of joy is a personal journey. It’s a journey of trying to make sense of the world. It is different for all of us, thus the personal. But it’s also universal, thus Beethoven’s Ninth. We know it when we find it, but we don’t always know how to find it.

Maybe joy, like God, is unexplainable, a mysterious force that cannot and should not be fully defined. It’s far too ethereal. Maybe we’re not supposed to understand it. Maybe the searching is the thing, like the search for God or life’s meaning. It’s too important a thing to be simply defined. Our society likes things to be clear, obvious, unassuming, easily recognized as in an Instagram post. Joy is too important to be part of modern society and our obsession with instant gratification. Joy is better than that. We want to understand it when maybe we should simply embrace it, hold it as tight as we can when it comes to us. Joy is not fleeting, like happiness. Happiness is not always there. Joy is. We only have to awaken it, discover it, and rediscover it. And in this lies the work. For me, the work comes through art and nature. It’s a journey of the spirit. And as the poet Fernando Passos has written, “That is why there exists contemplative souls.” They are the ones continually searching for what joy may be, where it is, how to find it, but know all too well that it will never be wholly defined. It is wrong to summarize our joy so simply—”don’t worry, be happy”—for that simplicity undermines its undeniable weight. Experiencing joy may seem a humble emotion, but it comes from a much more complicated place, deeper and transformative.

Nothing that beautiful comes easily.

So where is your joy? Where do you find it? Don’t rush the answer. Take the time it deserves.

***

Joy is not a thing you can see.
It is what you feel when you watch waves breaking,
Or when you peer through a net of woven violet stems
In Spring grass.
It is not sunlight, not moonlight,
But a separate shining.
Joy lives behind people's eyes.

—Hilda Conkling

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David W. Berner is the author of several books of award-winning fiction and memoir. His latest, Daylight Saving Time is available now. His novella, American Moon will be published by Regal House Publishing in 2026.